Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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