from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
