We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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