So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
