Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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