Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
