she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just want to make out with him forever
The struggles of a small town man whore
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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