Don't you send me to vm
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
