The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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