I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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