weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
