So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
