Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
