You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Yo dont text me then not text me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
