If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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