What a fucking waste of an outfit
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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