I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
