dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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