Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
