i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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