Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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