stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
