She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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