Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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