He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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