Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
