the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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