my vag is so smooth its legendary
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
