This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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