yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
