She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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