Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We are all done wearing pants today
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
