legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
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As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
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I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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