dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i black out too much to be "responsible"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
