i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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