the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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