I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
