Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
