So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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