You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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