I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
