I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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