Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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