Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
