Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
