I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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