Sponge bath it is.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
