You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
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All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
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I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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