I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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