Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
