Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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