You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
