Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
