Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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