When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
