I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
