we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
