I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
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Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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