The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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