I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
