just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
