and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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