Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
