So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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