cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
