what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My balls are so social today.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my being single is dangerous.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
