this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think your dad took our porno
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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