I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
