Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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