I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
